Your life, Your Responsibility – Taking Ownership of What Happens to You

The featured image for this article is from a camping trip with my father in the fall of 2016. He always taught me that even though it may not be our fault that a campsite is littered and destroyed when we get there – it IS our responsibility to clean it up and leave it better than we found it. A life lesson that goes well beyond good camping etiquette. 

Excuses, Excuses

Eating healthy, training regularly, getting enough sleep; these are all components in building a healthier life that are much easier said than done. Oftentimes we’ll experience a powerful wave of motivation that pushes us out of our comfort zone to drive for these things but then excuses creep in and nudge us back to the more comfortable life we had before.

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It’s easy to feel like you have a valid excuse to eat terribly, skip your training, or stay up late binge watching TV because you had a bad day at work. Additionally, it’s easy to reward yourself after a productive day by eating terribly, skipping your training, and binge watching TV into the AM hours. These excuses manifest in the same result for one reason:

You don’t want to do it!

That’s why whether the day was good or bad you do the same thing; all under the guise of “Treating Yourself.” At the end of the day they are excuses that you need to confront and get over.


Can you tell if the person in this picture is celebrating an accomplishment or comforting themselves after a hard day? Probably not, because people often reward themselves similarly for both situations. We reward our bad days the same as our good days. This has major implications for our self-control.

The good news is that what you’re experiencing is perfectly normal, the bad news is that that doesn’t make it okay.

You’re going to slip up on your diet, you’re going to have days that you skip your training, and you’re going to get caught up in a story on NetFlix from time to time. This shit happens to all of us.

The difference between the people that effectively get at their goals and other people is one big attitude difference.

successful people take Ownership

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When they overeat, they don’t pretend it didn’t happen and skip logging. I’ve had times I’ve logged some legendary buffet sessions where I’ve gone over my calories by 2500-4000 calories while I was trying to cut! But I didn’t pretend it didn’t happen. I acknowledged it as reality and tracked it.

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When they aren’t feeling up for a training session they push themselves through it, no matter how shitty it feels. Successful people acknowledge when they fee tired or busy, they own it, and then they get after their goals! When it comes to achieving the goals you want, nothing matters more than you’re consistency in your efforts. We’ve all gone into the gym and felt like crap the entire time but if you’re smart you dial down the weight to an intensity you can handle and you get the job done.

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When they are caught up staying up late, they know that this will make them suffer tomorrow. Staying up late to binge watch your favorite new season of whatever show is something we all do. The difference is some people wake up the next day thinking “why am I so tired? Poor me, I didn’t get enough sleep” while others think “well that was fun but I’m paying for it now.” Simply acknowledge that your actions impacted your sleep, this will make you more mindful overall about getting enough sleep. You’re tired because of your own actions, don’t go looking for an excuse, take ownership.

How can you be better about taking ownership?

It’s simple. Acknowledge what is happening in your life is your responsibility. That doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily your fault, but it does mean that it’s up to you to deal with it.

If you want a better physique then you have to take ownership of the responsibilities that come with that. That means controlling your food intake, being consistent about your training, and going to sleep at a decent time regularly. It also means taking responsibility for the shit that’s going to interfere with your efforts – bad days at work, bad weather, bad traffic, being tired, being hungry, etc…

Much of this article is influenced by Jocko Willinck, co-author of “Extreme Ownership.” You can learn more about Jocko for free by listening to his interview with Tim Ferriss here. You can also purchase his book at the link below.



The reason I like Jocko’s overall attitude about this subject is that he’s very clear cut – you can’t control everything that happens to you, and it certainly may not be your fault, however dealing with it IS your responsibility. If you need a good kick in the pants to start being more disciplined and take-charge in your own life then I cannot recommend this book enough!

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After reading all of this I hope you’re ready to go out into the world with a slightly different view than before. You should feel empowered with a new perspective that you own your life and everything in it. When you find yourself making excuses you should stop and think “How can I better own up to this?”

You could blame your dietary failure on “life getting too crazy” but that just sets you up to fail again and again. Alternatively, you can attribute your folly to “failure to adequately plan ahead” – the difference is that one gives you a direction to continue on from and the other is just a copout of sticking to your plans.

Reaching your goals is never going to happen under perfect conditions. Shit is always going to happen to make things more difficult. Take ownership of the things that happen to you and you’ll overcome any obstacle in your way.


The 3 Top Goals in the Gym and How to Hit Them

This article is about how to achieve 3 specific goals people have in the gym. If you’re interested in the basis of goal setting strategies you can read more here.

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Here are two fake conversations I didn’t have with anyone the other day, but let’s pretend they happened so I can make a point:

Fake Conversation 1

Me: “What’s your fitness goal?”

Them: “Well I want to lose some fat, gain muscle, be healthier, more athletic, stronger…”

Me: “That’s a lot, how are you going to do all of that at once?”

Them: “I don’t know, go to the gym and hope for the best.”

In this example we have the problem of not being able to set a specific goal.  Even the most in-shape individual at your gym right now wants all of those things I listed.  Being general like this doesn’t help.  It’s important to select a singular focus for a span of time.  That doesn’t mean that focus becomes your only care, it just means that you’ll devote your training to that specific focus for a given length of time and then you can decide to switch it later.

A really common example of this is Bodybuilders.  Bodybuilders typically go through an off-season “Bulk” in which they will eat more, and lift heavier in an attempt to increase their overall muscle mass.  They will then change focus as their competition gets closer to a “cut” in which they eat less and change their training to lose body fat while retaining muscle mass.  Overall they have a singular goal but their focus changes.

Fake Conversation 2

Me: “What’s your focus?”

Them: “I’m focusing on my endurance for my upcoming marathon!”

Me: “Then why are you doing a powerlifting program?”

Them: “I don’t know, Jesus! Leave me alone!”

Once you know what your focus is it’s important to figure out what tools will help you reach your goal.  It’s very much like an inexperienced hunter not thinking there is much difference between a shotgun and a rifle, while an experienced hunter knows that which gun you select depends a lot on what you are hunting.  Similarly, we need to know what our specific goal is and choose the appropriate “tools” to achieve that goal.

When I meet with new clients I like to tell them to pick their most important goal.  Out of the plethora they listed which one are they most impatient to complete?  In this article I’m going to list out the three most common focuses people have and the general “tools” I recommend for getting the job done.

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Getting Stronger

I’ll admit I’m biased in my inclusion of this section.  Whenever I work with new clients I heavily recommend starting with at least one 9-week strength cycle.  Building a foundation of strength before pursuing other fitness goals makes achieving those other goals much easier.  There are many ways people define strength, in this section we will define getting stronger as the ability to lift a larger amount of weight.  For example:

  • Pulling a 275 lb deadlift when your previous max was 225 lbs
  • Performing a strict pull up when you couldn’t do one before

The easiest way to build strength is to perform low rep sets frequently.  For instance, if you wanted to increase your squat max from 225 lbs  you would perform 3-5 sets of 3-5 reps at 205 lbs (approximately 85-95% of your max).  A good strategy is to perform a minimal amount of sets but perform them as many days during the week as possible.  4 sets per day for 2 days is better than 8 sets in one day, and 2 sets per day for 4 days is even better than that.

For bodyweight exercises we use a similar strategy.  Simply sneak one rep in after a set of another exercise.  For example, I will usually perform a single pull up after I finish a set of squats, deadlifts, bench press, etc… Doing one rep certainly isn’t hard and it will build real strength.

In summary, if you’re trying to build strength:

  • Keep your reps under 5 reps
  • If possible, split your sets into multiple days (4 sets split over two days is better than 6 sets on one day)
  • Keep the weight between 85-95% of your one rep max

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Losing Fat

This is probably the most common goal people come to see a trainer about.  In general, people are wanting the trainer to be a drill sergeant that keeps them on the treadmill longer and forces them to burn calories.  I am very upfront about not being this kind of trainer and my methods do not include screaming at you just so you feel guilted into burning more calories.

When it comes to losing fat the secret isn’t in how much you exercise, it’s in how you eat.  You can’t out-train a bad diet and you can’t run off all the junk food you want to eat.  You likely already know this.  The secret to fat loss is a negative energy balance.

To ensure a negative energy balance you need to have an idea of how many calories your body burns every day already.  There are calculators available online to help you figure this out, just google “TDEE calculator” and you’ll have quite a few options.  These calculators are great but they’re not perfect.  A more precise method is to download a food diary app, like MyFitnessPal or MyMacros+, and log everything you eat for 10 consecutive days.  Don’t worry about how many calories the app says you’re supposed to hit, just eat normally and log everything.  After 10 days you should be able to take an average and have an approximation of how many calories you tend to eat on a daily basis.

Using this average as your “maintenance calories” amount you can now aim to eat 200-500 calories below this number everyday, this is called your “deficit.”  Continue to log your food everyday and make sure you aren’t overeating and staying within your deficit.  If you’re new to tracking your food start with a small deficit (around 200 calories) and only increase your deficit when you don’t see any weight loss over 7-10 days.  The larger of a deficit you start with the quicker you can lose weight but you become a lot more likely to bounce back into overeating and relapse.

When it comes to training that can help you out with losing weight it’s natural to think of long distance running or cycling.  These options are fine if you enjoy running or cycling, even better if you want to do either competitively, however most of us don’t enjoy hours on a stationary bike or treadmill.  Instead, try High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) to burn a few extra calories.

In short, HIIT involves a maximum effort interval, typically 10-20 seconds, followed by a lengthy rest period, anywhere between 30 seconds and 3 minutes.  The point of the rest period is to feel nearly fully recovered before engaging in the next interval.  Personally, I like to add HIIT on to the end of my workouts but some people like to schedule them separately, it’s all a matter of preference.  Start with 3 intervals and over time add more to get maximum benefit.

With regards to your weightlifting it is advisable to have a slightly varied approach to sets and rep schemes.  Perform at least 3 sets of 4-6 reps during compound exercises such as squats, lunges, deadlifts, bench press, shoulder press, etc… and perform no more than 10 total sets of 6-9 reps of accessory exercises such as bicep curls, lateral shoulder raises, pec fly, etc…

In summary, when it comes to losing fat:

  • Track your food intake with a food diary app.
    • Stay 200 – 500 calories below your “maintenance” calories.
  • Add HIIT sessions to your workouts to effectively burn extra calories.
    • Start with 3 intervals and slowly add more.
  • Perform 3+ sets of 4-6 reps of compound weight lifting exercises each session
  • Perform no more than 10 total sets of 6-9 reps of accessory weight lifting exercises each session

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The number one reason guys get into the gym: hypertrophy (aka Mass Building).  There’s a lot of methods we can use to trigger hypertrophy, some more validated than others.  In this section we are going to emphasize two methods I’ve had personal success with as well as success with many clients: High Volume Training and Tempo Training.  In this article we are going to discuss high volume training.

High Volume Training refers to focusing on staying within a much higher rep range than normal, 6-15 reps per set.  When using this kind of rep range you will have to lower the weight immensely from your strength training amounts.  Thus, it is advisable to start your workouts with at least 3 sets of a compound exercise in the strength training rep range, 1-5 reps.  Follow this with 3-5 sets of another exercise in the 6-9 rep range, and lastly 2-4 sets in the 9-15 rep range.  For example here’s an example of a leg day hypertrophy routine I would use:

  • Squats, 3 sets of 1-5 reps
  • Barbell Lunges, 3 sets of 6-9 reps
  • Leg Extensions, 2 sets of 6-9 reps
  • Hamstring curls, 2 sets of 9-15 reps
  • Calf raises, 2 sets of 9-15 reps

As with fat loss, diet plays a large role when trying to gain mass except this time we want to eat slightly above our caloric maintenance level. Many early lifters take the simple approach of just cramming down more protein. I can tell you that I, nor my clients, have had much success with simply increasing the protein alone. What has usually mattered more is carbohydrates; specifically, we start with increasing carbohydrate intake by about 50g per day and increase protein by about 20g. Additionally, I have seen good results during hypertrophy phases when adding about 1 tsp of L-Leucine to Whey Protein Shakes (read more here).

In summary, when it comes to building muscle mass:

  • Eat slightly above your maintenance calories
    • Mostly carbs, some protein.
      • Add leucine to protein shakes for a little added boost
  • Incorporate 3 sets of strength training (1-5 reps)
  • Perform the rest of your sets in the upper rep range and in increasing order.

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Want extra help reaching your goals?

If you’ve read this article and are feeling like “Yeah, that sounds great but I’d still like some help” then you may want to get in touch with a trainer/coach.  Brawn for Brains offers online coaching services at an affordable price. We work with you to develop a training plan intended to get you to your goals, provide extensive nutritional advisement, and answer any questions you may have. If you’re interested in getting in touch with our training services simply click “Personal Coaching” at the top of the article.